What Next
I don't know who I am, or quite understand what I want this site to be. I know what I would like to say, but have no idea how to organize my thoughts to say it. I have a million thoughts and a million interconnected projects - and it is impossible to present it as any one thing. I came upon this concept called digital gardens, and saw so many sites organized the way my mind is organized, and now I know that is what I want to do. Over the next year or two I plan to destroy this site and transform it into a digital garden - a web of interconnected thoughts, projects and philosophies. My brain is exploding at the mere attempts to organize it into a linear construct that can be understood.
I hate programming and web development. These are things I do, but I hate it. I hate people, but I love them too. I build sites and program because if I don't know one else will. So I head bang my way through problems that take me days or weeks to solve, even posting this website was a nightmare. I spent 1 week trying to do what someone else can do in a day. So much of my time is spent trying to get things like github to work, trying to remember how to use jekyll when I've just spent the past several months in blender, or remembering how to use blender when I've spent the past several months working on my book.
Half of the time I spend trying to figure out why git push doesn't work today when it worked yesterday, and what's the most affordable next to nothing thing I can find that doesn't break my brain to host a website, that might as well be called a hobby. In the end I am overwhelmed. My plan now is to take a hiatus from the website, and refocus my energy on digital gardens.
I intend to build a digital garden, and various interconnected wikis. It will either be one site or multiple sites with nodes to click through. I intend to figure out if I am going to keep zenratstudios.org or let it go, and if guardianhero.org is going to be my 'hub'. I have a lot to reflect on. I know that for the sheer amount of projects I am working on, and how non-linear and interconnected my focus is, presenting this project as a digital garden is going to be the way to go. I have to figure out a basic solution that is easy to update, easy to host, and can live on after me - at least for a little while.
While I work on that I am going to spend time with my art and my books. I know A.I is going to factor into my projects someway. I have been dreaming of ways to incorporate AI since I was a little kid, and now those things are possible. There's a self-sufficiency project that involves traveling across the eastern USA as a sort of pilgrimage, and other projects like chicken wagons and tractors for poultry and deciding which skills on my bucket list I'm going to pursue or drop. I'm going to post this blog and take a walk - while I continue to explore, what comes next.